A Season For Everything

There is much activity going on this time of year for graduating seniors. Well, actually their full senior year! From final decisions about their post high school next steps, to senior pictures, to all that comes with the final days until graduation such as the ceremony and graduation party. What may get overlooked or underestimated (regarding impact) is the natural grieving process that comes with this significant life season change. How do we help young people navigate this? How do we navigate this ourselves as parents/guardians and youth leaders who have invested much into their lives? And don’t forget about others who are close to the graduate, including siblings!

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" - Ecclesiastes 3:1

In mid February of this year I covered the general topic of "Relationship Loss" where I mentioned as one example of many the case when "siblings moving out" (e.g., heading to college, moving out and into the full-time next steps). In this blog I'm focusing specifically on this example of this season of high school graduation and the changes that come with that.

I spent time with a graduating high school senior this past week who had a final decision to make about what college they would attend. In my mind I had assumed that some principles of Biblical Decision making (see a previous blog on that topic HERE) would be the larger part of the conversation. Although it was a good idea to refresh on that topic in preparation, my assumption was actually more of a conclusion. Ouch!

I entered the conversation hearing more of what was on everyone's mind. After asking several questions and listening for a while it became clear that all the facets of wise Biblical decision making had been engaged in, so that was very encouraging to hear about that part of their journey! Where the conversation eventually turned was that the decision hinged on leaving family, the realities of what that looked like were already hitting everyone hard as part and creating hesitation in deciding. I had underestimated how the grieving process takes shape for some, and that means during the senior year (even before?), with that process including the many "lasts" experienced. With that, there is something about the decision to be made that solidifies that future step of leaving the home for the first time. That is significant, and weighty, and more difficult for some than others. It is also normal to grieve in this way, and I'm grateful that although I did not come into the conversation with that in view as one of the main factors, that we landed there together.

Tears were shed, the decision was made. I had a front row seat to a beautiful thing, an incremental step in letting go, owning the responsibility of an important life decision, and a healthy one from all aspects also. Praise God for His comfort and confidence in Him, to understand and live out the reality that we are stewards of children (and one another in our families) for a season.

From this, just a few reminders for all involved in the lives of graduating seniors, especially those in the home (e.g., parents/guardians, siblings, the graduating senior themself). Everyone will face the experience of loss and engage in the normal grieving process. There are a few "textbook" 5 or 7 stages of grief to be aware of, but the truth is that no one person navigates that journey the same, and it is not linear (this step, then the next step, etc). Some don't even experience some of those stages at all, others stay in stages for various lengths of time. To put anyone into a framework or place any expectations on people experiencing loss is not helpful. Rather, consider these helps along the way: